Ever since Sebastian died and we started telling his story, we have reviewed so much support from people we know, and then from people we have never met. The community that has got behind us has been amazing and has made us feel like we are not alone.
I started an email and placed it on this blog, and atleast once a week we receive an email of support from a stranger. Below is an email that arrived this week, it arrived on a day when I really needed some hope and something to smile about. Mary, who has experienced a loss of her own, shares words that are full of hope, something that I need.
Here is what it said:
You don't know me, but my name is Mary. I am 38 years old & live in the US. your post came up on my Facebook feed from The Mighty. I've been reading your blog this morning.
I want to tell you where I am: I am four & a half years further along in this journey than you. I lost my daughter Kathryn in May 2011 at 12 days old.
Here is what I can tell you: it will get better. It will always be with you. He will always be with you, but IT, the grief, will ease. There will always be things that catch you off guard: a smell, a song, a phrase, a street, but IT will get better.
Some days you may actually find yourself feeling normal. Most days, though, you find you've just adjusted to your new normal. Your friends may change. What's important to you WILL change. The love you have for any other future children will be so much deeper. And the passion you have for other mothers on this journey will be unmatched.
That feeling? The heavy, tight ache in your chest? It will ease. And it doesn't mean your forgetting your son. Your precious Sebastian. It means you're learning to live with that love. Loving a child you can't hold. Living a life that you can't imagine.
You will learn that life is so incredibly beautiful. And that this pain, this burden you've been given, is so incredibly useful.
Use it. Channel it. You will get there. I promise. But it will take a while. Until then, get up every morning, take a shower, get dressed, and BREATHE. you've got this, momma. You've got it in you. Sebastian is IN YOU.
All my love,
Mom to Thomas (6), Kathryn (5-13-11 to 5-25-11), and Micah (2)
I couldn't thank Mary enough for this email. It is so beautifully written and even though she is on the other side of the world, it brought tears to my eyes to know that once again we are not alone in this battle and that there is support available. Imagine a world full of people like Mary, that would be beautiful.